(gifs aren’t mine I can’t make gifs)

30 Days of M*A*S*H* Day 9: Favorite Quoutes

"Maj. Frank Burns: I know I’m a real asset.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: You’re only off by two letters”

Its a good thing you put that s there question maker. Is it possible to just type out every line of all eleven seasons? I was able to find some gifs of a few favorites. 

well after sifting through IMDB  and digging up a few others, here’s some more favorite quoutes

Potter: Fire that weapon!
Hawkeye: Fire it? I don’t even like looking at it!
Potter: I said fire that weapon!
Hawkeye: All right. [To the gun] You’re fired! [To Potter] I did it as gently as I could.
Potter: That was an order, Pierce.
Hawkeye: (Snapping his fingers): Oh waiter, would you take this man’s order, please?
Potter: Fire the gun Hawkeye.
Hawkeye: Look Colonel, I’ll heal their wounds, treat their wounds, bind their wounds, but I will not inflict their wounds.
Potter: You can’t just sit there.
Hawkeye: I may be sitting on the outside but I’m running on the inside.
Potter: You love life that little?
Hawkeye: I hate GUNS that much.

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Am I insane? 
Dr. Sidney Freedman: Hawkeye, you are probably the sanest person here. If you were crazy you’d be sleeping like a baby. 

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Henry, I know why I’m crying now. Tommy was my friend, and I watched him die, and I’m crying. I’ve watched guys die almost every day. Why didn’t I ever cry for them? 
Henry Blake: Because you’re a doctor. 
Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: The hell does that mean? 
Henry Blake: I don’t know. If I had the answer, I’d be at the Mayo Clinic. Does this place look like the Mayo Clinic? Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. And rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can’t change rule number one. 

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” PierceA war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it’s also raining on the other side of the street and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums. 

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Charles, how come you never sweat? 
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: In the first place, I do not sweat; I perspire. In the second place, I never perspire. 

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: [Over P.A. system] Attention all personnel, it’s now 12:01, which means it’s no longer today, it’s tomorrow. This is Benjamin Franklin Berle livening up your dead of night. Thanks to B.J. Hunnicut, I had a brief bout with jokus interruptus, but now I’m back to abnormal. So bare with me while I take care of some unfinished business. Hey Igor, keeper of the public ptomaine, before you go to bed, don’t forget to walk tomorrow’s breakfast. And let me tell you something, Margaret: you always talk about the leather but you never do anything about it. You know - you know what I mean? And a big hello to Charles, our chief procurement officer. I guess you found out you can’t get to Tokyo on the layaway plan. You know? Heh heh. And the ever-popular Horace Baldwin, hereby awarded the fig leaf cluster for service above and beneath the call of duty. Ha ha ha ha. But seriously -… “